Soothing the savage breast. No, really!

Once again we are blessed by another missive from that well known monomaniacal wanna-be rodent the "Brain," now in semi-retirement in the Acme Retirement Home for Cartoon Characters based on real people. Enjoy!

US News & World Report

Health Buzz: Study Opens Door for Breast Cancer Vaccine

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/managing-your-healthcare/cancer/articles/2010/06/01/health-buzz-study-opens-door-for-breast-cancer-vaccine.html

By Megan Johnson

A vaccine for breast cancer is in the works, and appears to be protective in mice, HealthDay reports. New findings, published in the journal Nature Medicine, showed that it prevented tumors in mice engineered to develop cancer. Cleveland Clinic researchers who tested it want to conduct human trials next year; they expect that the vaccine would target women older than 40, according to HealthDay.

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Newser

Successfully blocked disease in mice

http://www.newser.com/story/90638/human-trials-next-for-promising-breast-cancer-vaccine.html

By Jane Yager⁠ (Newser)

Breast cancer may someday go the way of polio and smallpox, stamped out by a routine vaccination. A promising new breast cancer vaccine is moving into human trials after effectively blocking the formation of the disease in mice genetically prone to it. "If it works in humans the way it works in mice, this will be monumental," one researcher told the BBC. "We could eliminate breast cancer." If the researchers manage to vaccinate against cancer in humans, it would be a first. Because cancer is an overgrowth of the body's own cells rather than a virus, scientists have not yet been able to fight it with a vaccine. The two existing cancer vaccines target viruses that lead to cancer rather than cancer itself. Scientists are hopeful about the breast cancer vaccine, but even if it proves successful, widespread availability remains years away.

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“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?” “Why, I think so, Brain.” Unfortunately, no one has pondered the plight of the poor laboratory mouse, except, maybe, those ultra-loonies at PETA. I am, thus, a genetically-altered mouse without an advocate to help me (and Pinky) avoid having our breasts bio-engineered to be prone to getting cancerous lumps. On us mice, cancerous breast lumps are really unsightly; they make our tiny mouse boobs drag on the dirt.

Beyond that, as I ponder it, I smell a rat. OK, maybe not a rat. How 'bout a kangaroo? Oooo! Brain, I'm getting all squishy thinking of those cozy-warm pouches ... FOCUS, Pinky!!!

Vaccines work via the injection of dead pathogens (viruses/bacteria) into someone whose body doesn't produce antibodies when exposed to the pathogen. The dead pathogens provoke an immune reaction, that is, cause the body to "learn" how to generate antibodies that would combat an invasion of live pathogens - provide a measure of immunity.

In the case of most cancer problems, there isn't a pathogen. There might be an environmental factor, as we've been assaulted with those lawyer commercials that inform us, over and over and over, that asbestos causes mesothelioma, a rare cancer that's not as rare as the cancer caused by the constant irritation of meso-advocacy ads; brain scans reveal meso-ad tumors in the mid-brain portion of the stem, which control sight & hearing. Egad, Brain! I wish I was as smart as you. I wish you were as smart as a tree stump, Pinky.

Let's see. What was I pondering before that witless sponge interrupted me? Oh, yes. With cancer, the issue is the organism's own cells that go Sarah-Palin rogue-y. Thus, a breast cancer vaccine must necessarily attack cells generated by the organism being vaccinated.

The danger inherent in that approach is the provocation of a so-called auto-immune reaction, wherein the antibodies that the body learns to produce (because of the vaccine) attack its own healthy cells. Brain, has that ever happened before? Why, yes, Pinklet. Troz. What the heck is "troz"? It's "zort" thru the looking-glass. Yahhahah!

When the US Army Medical Research Institute for Infectious Diseases (USAMRIID) decided to come up with an anthrax vaccine (since Saddam Hussein had weaponized anthrax bacterium, same as WMD. Poit!), their efforts were as successful as, as, oh, right, my efforts to take over the world. Egad! To get a better result than 1 out of 4 test victims experiencing an immune response to Vaccine A, our military Mengeles decided to add squalene as a Vaccine A booster. Pinky's not smart enough to be this stupid.

Squalene is naturally produced by the human body. Add it to a vaccine and the consequences are, well, does Gulf War Syndrome ring a gong of doom? Are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so, Brain. Do they sell little buns for those tiny hot dogs?

The symptoms of GWS are those of individuals whose immune system is attacking its own tissues and Precious Bodily Fluids - that's called General Ripper's fail-safe recall code, uh, oh, no, sorry, wrong studio. Actually, it's called an auto-immune disease, but that's a misnomer. Your body's too smart to attack itself without an artificial element dumped into the mix. With Vaccine A, the artificial element was squalene, which, in a vaccine, was made to seem to be a pathogen. Hence, the immune systems of GIs "infected" with Vaccine A attack the naturally-occurring squalene in their own bodies. NAArf.

So, Obstacle One to a non-lethal breast cancer vaccine? The fine line between attacking those factors, naturally-occurring, which lead to cancer before the cell goes Sarah-Palin rogue-y and the healthy cell. Obstacle Two? The intractable nature of cancerous cells.

Healthy human cells are called eukaryotes, which are generally aerobes, i.e., they are very fond of oxygen. Cancer cells are anaerobes, i.e., they just hate oxygen. Out of all the cancer research joints, in all the labs, in all the world, no cancer cell has ever walked into ... the aerobic's cafe.

The fundamental things apply. So, there's very little chance of a beautiful friendship between a proposed breast cancer vaccine and a true preventative for breast cancer unless there's a link between the vaccine's chemistry and a super-oxygenation regimen, a regimen which would avoid the auto-immune issue.

Stop pondering. The best strategy for lowering the incidence of breast cancer, in fact, all forms of cancer, is self-evident, even for "Fuchsian dolts."

1, determination of genetic predisposition to cancer;
2, determination of cancer-causing environmental factors for a particular individual;
3, increasing cellular aerobic context, as needed. "deedni ,troZ!"

We must prepare for tomorrow night, Pinky.

Why? What're we gonna to do tomorrow night, Brain?

Same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world ... by controlling the world's supply of oxygen!!!

Oh, wait. No, no. What about ...

Stop it, Pinky! We'll just get rid of all the Oxygen Bar guys.

How, Brain?

By substituting swamp gas for their oxygen. YES!!!