Wednesday, August 03, 2011

A Candid Interview With Beelzebub T. McGlobalist

Special Note: This is a parody…obviously, though the attitudes and responses portrayed are unfortunately based on expressions of common real-life gobalists. Enjoy…
The following is a very special interview with Beelzebub T. McGlobalist, the foremost representative of the incorporated organization of global bankers, political frontmen, and think-tank propagandists that make up such popular and exclusive clubs as the Council on Foreign Relations, the Bilderberg Group, and the G20. With financial centralization and subsequent iron fisted autocracy on the rise, we thought it would be fun and possibly even titillating for our readers to hear straight from the horse’s mouth what lies in store for us, the lowly peon pond scum of the Earth, in the near future. Numerous alternative analysts have calculated likely outcomes of social and economic destabilization in the wake of engineered collapse, however, we thought it best to go directly to the source, and ask those who actually created the framework for catastrophe that waits ahead. This is a no-holds-barred look at globalization. Won’t you join us…?
Alt-Market: Good day, Mr. McGlobalist. Thank you for agreeing to this interview on such short notice.
McGlobalist: Yes, we sometimes feel it necessary to put in a little face time with “cannon fodder” like you, even though I personally find the very idea of your existence rather distasteful…
Alt-Market: Ok…….Is it alright if I call you T-Bub?
McGlobalist: Sure, that’s what Kissinger calls me…that, or “Sugar Pants”…
Alt-Market: Umm, let’s stick with T-Bub.
McGlobalist: Very well…
Alt-Market: T-Bub, it has been openly admitted by you and your associates in the IMF that your ultimate goal is the dissolution of sovereign state economies and political frameworks. You also admittedly desire to restructure those economies and governments into a single centralized financial system and a single supranational governing body. Is it just a coincidence that the ongoing global debt crisis and the subsequent devaluation of the Dollar and the Euro are pushing us towards that exact scenario, or did you “help things along”?
McGlobalist: Are you kidding?! Of course we helped things along! You think that international banks like Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan could possibly participate in a massive securities fraud like that of the derivatives bubble WITHOUT the complicity of Central Banks around the world, not to mention regulatory agencies like the SEC? I mean, we created such levels of bad debt it’s mathematically unfeasible to calculate it! You can’t hide that much financial toxicity for years on end unless ratings agencies, government oversight institutions, and the Federal Reserve itself, allow you to do so. Luckily, the average American wants to believe its all some “crazy mistake” or the “stupidity of politicians”. It’s easier for people to believe in random coincidence than to believe their world has been turned upside down on purpose. How do you think global elitists like myself have survived for so long?
Alt-Market: So then, if you already have your greasy hands wrapped around most of these institutions, why deliberately cause them to collapse?
McGlobalist: Psychology, my boy. Psychology. It’s not enough to force people to accept centralization, or even to trick them into believing it doesn’t exist. Eventually, you have to make them ASK for centralization. They have to believe that it was their decision all along to relinquish their sovereignty. Nation states have served their purpose. Now, we feel its time to shed them like so much dead skin and move on. Think about it! We create a problem, then, we offer a predetermined solution which the peasants automatically cling to because most of them are too apathetic to help their own situation. When they finally realize how much they have lost in the process, the only culprits they have left to single out for blame are themselves. In the meantime, we can sit back and relax in relative obscurity. Elitists have been playing this game for centuries. I’m amazed that you people haven’t caught on yet. It’s the freaken’ digital age for crying out loud!
Alt-Market: Good point. But, what about those who say your plans are not for the good of the citizenry but actually a brazenly insane attempt to satisfy your own hubris?
McGlobalist: I just ordered a huge plate of barbequed ribs, you want any…?
Alt-Market: ……….No. Could you answer the question please?
McGlobalist: You’re pushier than the ATF at a Branch Davidian compound! Look, you know that feeling you get when you drown your first potato sack full of puppies…?
Alt-Market: I can’t say that I follow you……
McGlobalist: Ok, let’s see… about when you were interned at one of our fine public education facilities as a little whelp? You remember the “special needs” kids on the short yellow bus?
Alt-Market: Is this going somewhere, T-Bub?
McGlobalist: Did you associate with those children?
Alt-Market: No, not really.
McGlobalist: Did the teachers let them run wild unsupervised?
Alt-Market: No.
McGlobalist: Well, that’s how we look at you and those like you. You can’t be left to your own devices. Who knows what would happen! Some kids just eat paste, but some set their own heads on fire! We’re doing what we do for your protection. Civilization would self destruct without our guidance.
Alt-Market: What does that have to do with killing puppies?
McGlobalist: Yes, well, imagine that the puppies are retarded….
Alt-Market: Maybe we should move on. You claim that collectivist efforts like globalization are the “wave of the future”, and that concepts such as America’s Constitutional Republic are “old and outdated”. However, isn’t it true that political sovereignty and liberty are actually very new ideas in the grand scheme of history? And, isn’t it also true that globalization is just a rehashing of mercantile feudalism which has been going on for thousands of years?
McGlobalist: Yes, but, have you ever seen a GLOBAL feudalistic empire? Now that’s something new! The Constitution is just an anomaly. It’s an embarrassing document for us, and it’s caused a lot of frustration among my associates. Thankfully, our federalized school system has all but abandoned teaching even the basics of Constitutional law and the Revolutionary War. There are plenty of Americans out there today who have no clue what their legal rights are, or why they have the country that they have. Some of them even spread propaganda undermining Constitutional understanding for us! It’s fantastic! The best possible advantage for an autocracy is when a considerable portion of the public goes out of their way to help us enslave them.
Alt-Market: Many members of your “exclusive club” have expressed philosophical positions that lean towards eugenics, and forced population reduction. Where do you stand on this subject?
McGlobalist: The world is obviously overpopulated, though I have no specific scientific data to back this position. The last time I went to the economic summits in Davos, my limo was stuck in traffic. Can you believe that?! That’s proof enough for me. I frankly couldn’t care less about the environment. I hold considerable shares in the Monsanto Corporation, which violates the environment and the laws of nature on a daily basis. The thing is, watching you people breed like mice is upsetting to my stomach.
Alt-Market: So your support of cap and trade, and international carbon taxes, is a farce?
McGlobalist: (Laughs) You want to know why the Earth gets hot sometimes? Try the sun! Carbon is harmless! It has nothing to do with global warming. In fact, our climate change labs at East Anglia and NASA never release the source data for their so called experiments through FOIA, even though they are sued constantly. So, we can say anything we want about global warming, and no one is able to check our numbers to see if we are lying. They can suspect, but they can’t prove it, unless someone floods the internet with our private emails and fraudulent computer models. Damn hackers….
Alt-Market: What about globalist support for the World Wildlife Fund, and the increased powers of the EPA? What is that all about?
McGlobalist: Ah, we’re big fans of “sustainable development”. For those who are not familiar with that idea, it means essentially that I can take your house, and your land, whenever I want, and turn it into a forest preserve, or a condo, depending on my mood. The EPA and the WWF are tools that we use to assert sustainability disinformation and utilize eminent domain outside of its original parameters. The point is, you are a parasite, and mother earth needs to be deloused.
Alt-Market: Even if you were correct in your claim that overpopulation is a problem today, who ultimately gets to decide who lives and who dies in your “sustainable world”?
McGlobalist: That job should be left to the immutable laws of the scientific method.
Alt-Market: And who gets to interpret what those “immutable laws” say?
McGlobalist: The smartest people on the planet, of course.
Alt-Market: And who decides who is the “smartest”. Isn’t that in part a subjective determination?
McGlobalist: No. The smartest people are the smartest people. Sheesh! What kind of interview is this? We elites have already proven ourselves the most intelligent, so such decisions should be left to us. It’s evolution, plain and simple…
Alt-Market: You don’t seem that intelligent to me…
McGlobalist: Well, you’ve only known me for twenty minutes. Trust me, I’m like, soooo good at Algebra….
Alt-Market: It has become incredibly clear over the past decade that a movement supporting decentralization, Constitutional liberties, and sound anti-Keynesian economic principles, has taken shape. The Liberty Movement is growing steadily stronger, and is quite aware of the strategies of globalization. Does this concern you?
McGlobalist: Decentralization? What the hell is that?
Alt-Market: It’s where we don’t let you do whatever you want.
McGlobalist: That’s crazy talk! My dump truck sized ego prevents me from even fathoming a future in which I am not King of New York A-Number One! I need to call my friend Mark Potok at the Southern Poverty Law Center and ask him to look into this “Liberty Movement”. If anything, we’ll just falsely associate them with racists and terrorists. Always draw indirect connections between your opponents and the designated villains of the society you wish to control. That’s how you marginalize so called “truth seekers”; paint them as monsters to frighten the oblivious public.
Alt-Market: Speaking of which, the DSM-IV mainstream psychiatry manual has recently been edited to include something called “Oppositional Defiant Disorder”. Basically, the establishment controlled psychiatric community (who I see as drug dealers with degrees), is now labeling anyone who shows disobedient or hostile behavior towards “authority figures” as clinically insane. The DSM has a long history of promoting establishment propaganda in its pages. Is this not just another case of marginalization through junk science?
McGlobalist: People who defy authority are indeed dangerous, and should be given the psychological help they require in order to assimilate into society.
Alt-Market: But who determines what “authority” is? If I show hostility to a lying scumbag in sweatpants and a wife-beater, then I’m “normal”. But if you give that same dirtball a badge and a uniform, then suddenly I’m “crazy” for disliking him? It makes no sense. Authority is an arbitrary label doled out by governments or stolen by governments. You can’t base a psychological diagnosis on the dislike of an arbitrary label, it’s completely unscientific.
McGlobalist: Ok, look, just between you and me, we’ve been pulling this gag for a long time. Its classic! Categorizing any person or group that opposes you as “crazy” is a tried and true strategy. Crazy people are ignored, even if they are right. That’s the beauty of it! That’s why we’ve been conditioning Americans with the use of the term “conspiracy theorist”. Someone hears “conspiracy theorist”, they automatically and unconsciously think “crazy person”. Why not make up a clinically recognized disorder associated with very natural aversions to the abuse of power and then label almost everyone as mentally ill? Also, diagnosing a person with anything makes it much harder for that person to obtain a firearm. Slaves should be unarmed and docile, and…..they should laugh at all my jokes.
Alt-Market: Speaking of firearms, this past month whistleblowers within the ATF have exposed a false flag operation in which the U.S. government actually smuggled firearms to drug cartels across the Mexican border, then tried to blame the surge of American guns in criminal hands on innocent gun dealers and on our 2nd Amendment rights in general. Do you believe this subversive activity on the part of the ATF and the U.S. government will damage your ability to undermine the 2nd Amendment?
McGlobalist: These little slip-ups are unfortunate, but not a setback by any means. We ran the same game back in the 80’s in what was later called the “Iran Contra Scandal”. Who was punished back then? I mean really punished? That’s right, nobody. The public investigation barely even touched on all the cocaine we were running through the same operations. Man, the 80’s were great! You would not believe all the drugs and prostitutes that were being passed around between me and my CIA buddies and the wild parties in D.C. with Congressmen just begging to get in the door! I felt like a modern day Caligula! There was this one time when my best friend brought in this donkey, and he gave it too many pills, and….
Alt-Market: Let’s stay on topic Mr. McGlobalist. Besides, you’re obviously describing the movie ‘Bachelor Party’ with Tom Hanks…
McGlobalist: Oh, really? Well, anyway, the exposure of the ATF “Fast And Furious” program is frustrating, but we’ll just ignore it like we always do. The Mainstream media will gloss it over. And within a couple of months, the majority of Americans will have forgotten about it completely. Pretty slick, eh…
Alt-Market: I suppose, but I’m going to have to ask you to take your hand off my leg…
McGlobalist: Ah, I just came back from Bohemian Grove. Sometimes I forget where I am. Are you a gun owner…?
Alt-Market: Yes.
McGlobalist: God damn it! Give me your guns!
Alt-Market: Uh, no…
McGlobalist: What if I give you coupons for groceries? Mmmm, food in your tummy…
Alt-Market: I think it’s about time to wrap up our interview…
McGlobalist: But I didn’t get to talk about all my hobbies, my dabbling in the occult, and you never asked me my favorite cuss word! I want James Lipton, now! (Turns to worshipful male aid) Get me James Lipton, or Regis! We’re redoing this thing! Doing it over! All over! And I want spring water served by little Tanzanian children who speak Swahili and dance! Bring me my skull goblet!
Interview ends abruptly.