Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Seasoned Greetings

Warning: reading this greeting may result in you understanding its contents. Neither Freedom Shenanigans or any of its associated blogs, contributors, contractors, can be held responsible for any enjoyment, or lack thereof, that this greeting may cause, no matter how severe than enjoyment (or lack thereof) may be.

“Happy, Ramahanuqwanzahum

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference or orientation of the wishee.

(Disclaimer: By accepting these greetings, you are accepting the aforementioned terms as stated. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself/himself/others, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. It implies no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit. This greeting is void where prohibited by law.)

Batteries are NOT included or necessary unless one's electric service is out due to inclement weather or due to lack of funds due to the growing economic depression due to purposeful mismanagement amounting to plunder of the the public's finances, to pay for electric service. In the aforementioned case, battery back up may be necessary to receive this greeting.