If you're like us, you already started drinking weeks ago in preparation for tonight's debate, which will no doubt be the most watched vice presidential debate in the history of televised vice presidential debates. But if you're waiting till Gwen Ifill officially gets the party started, we've got something for ya.
The rules are simple: each of these is to be accompanied by a shot of any neutral grain spirit you can get your hands on:
* Every time Sarah Palin says "Gwen," open your copy of How to Totally Ace Your Job Interview, and then think about where you see yourself in five years.
* Every time Joe Biden says "malarkey," drink a shot of hogwash.
* Every time Palin mentions Russia, mention France, re: Senator Biden's underpants.
* Every time Biden mentions his Scranton upbringing, sing the first verse of "Allentown."
* Every time Palin mentions wildlife protection, skin the person next to you.
* Every time Biden mentions his father, sing the bridge of "Allentown."
* Every time Palin accidentally agrees with Barack Obama, spin around and around in your chair until whatever she said starts to sound like a GOP talking point.
* Every time Biden mentions taking the train to and from his Senate job, sing the train whistle part at the beginning of "Allentown."
* Every time Palin mentions small town values, inquire about banning a Harry Potter book and bill yourself for your own rape kit.
* Every time Biden drops an anachronism, airmail Alexander Hamilton a cuneiform slab with your pager number.
* Every time someone in the room says Palin seems like someone cool to have a beer with, stand up and yell "Goody Palin is a witch!"
* Every time Biden and Palin break into an argument, make out with the person next to you.
* Every time Biden and Palin make out, debate the person next to you.
* Every time Palin speaks in a run-on sentence, get yourself for into the position of being to drink a sip of beer and therefore on the chair on which you sit turn around and face your neighbor but you will not have had enough into which to vomit and that's good because you will be feeling in a way that is comparable to ways in which you have drunk before, at home, where they teach good drinking values.